my own magic nursery baby

i don't know if its a real thing for adoptive mothers to get but i feel like i'm experiencing it anyway. pregnancy brain. biological mothers for sure go through the inevitable dreaded forgetfulness as they near their due date. adoptive mothers, do we?

one thing i can say is that the past month i find myself thinking of nothing but baby. truly it dominates my mind. last night my dreams were filled of babies. i awoke early this morning thinking of baby, baby's nursery, baby shower.... on & on. yet i find myself not wanting to think of anything more. work has become such a task simply because it takes so much for me to focus on what presently sits in front of me.

when i was a kid there were these toys magic nursery babies. do you remember them? they were baby dolls who's heads were covered in a cap and who's bodies were covered in a robe to disguise their gender / age. oh how i LOVED the magic nursery baby dolls. i had a few of them. then when they came out with the tiny grab bag sized dolls who were hidden, along with their toy sets, in a water soluble pouch my addiction kicked into overdrive. inexpensive endless mystery fun! every toy store experience brought about the typical toy aisle pleading for the magic nursery doll.  usually it was my me-maw, an avid doll collector herself, who would indulge me with another. addiction had me bound to the mystery of who i would get. was it a single baby, twins, triplets?! were they boys or girls? what color where they? i loved it!! 

it's only now as i sit in the, read very unfinished nursery, that i see the parallel from my past childhood magic nursery addiction to my present situation as we await the arrival of a child/children. what will we get? is there one or maybe its two? boy, girl, black, white, native-american, asian? who knows. i'm open to it all! they're all i want to think about and spend my time preparing for. 

reality is we could receive a call by months end!!!! if i were pregnant i'd look like i were ready to pop any day. i suppose what i'm feeling in my heart and spirit is that very notion. i'm nesting. ready to deliver. oh what a wild feeling. as hard as i tried i could never imagine us at this point. never. sure there are still so many unknowns and possible negatives but isn't that true of all life's situations? then again there's always the possibility that everything will go just like a dream....