Tuesday, January 21, 2014

to celebrate a birthday

we knew we wanted to celebrate birdie's* birthday with a party but being that it was our first attempt at throwing a child's party and that we were just coming off the Christmas high, we opted for a family only affair. good call. initially we said it would just be the cousins and a few pizzas at momo and papas house. we'd let the kids run around like decapitated chickens and the rents would play card games and chiillllllll. no decorations no fuss. then one trip down the party planning aisle in target changed it all. 

we really have no idea how her birthdays were celebrated before. from our understanding, of her memories, she's never had a big celebration. i don't know if she ever had a party or got to wear party clothes and be the center of attention and have loved ones praise her. we didn't get the first five and a half years of her life. had we ida made sure she did. so six, six we were going to celebrate. 

ben and i decorated the party spot while she stayed away. the minute the guests arrived we opened the back door and watched her countenance say it all. she was speechless and let me tell you this child is never without words, ever. in a moment i saw life and love and acceptance fill her tiny little soul. all of this was for her. just her. gracious i could've stopped right there and all the preparations would've been worth it. theres video to prove it but sadly we can't show it until she's legally all ours so you'll just have to take my word for it.

the whole day i couldn't take my eyes off of her. watching her reactions to everything was addicting. having a daughter to dote on and plan pretty parties for and watch light up is high up there on the list of life's awesomes. and to think i have two other babes to do this for. ahh, i have it good. we ate, we played, we talked, drank some home made strawberry limeades, which were insane,  smashed a few butterflies and tatted up. the guests stayed past the designated party hours, which you know is an indicator that you didn't completely wreck it. it was fun. 

so many memories i've tucked away in my mental scrapbook to reflect on rainy days. out of them all  the top is the balloons. she found such joy in releasing the balloons into the air, "i wanna send some balloons to Jesus mama". after she sent her bunch off to the big guy in the sky, which scattered as they ascended, there were two left. one for her and one for me. we sent them off and snuggled as we watched em fly side by side slowly out of sight. she'd give me kisses on my cheek hug my neck and tell me she loved me and sincerely thanked me for her party. for a minute time was motionless and i thought, this i'll hold onto. this right here is a mama's moment. mama life is chaotic and exhausting and you spend hours pouring out wondering if anything you're offering is worth it or making any difference. then they give you these moments that make your soul sing and you're assured that who you are is all they need and what you're offering is  being received. they give back and its perfect. 

*any names you see representing the children are nicknames. sharing their legal names is not allowed just yet.

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